Previously...

http://instagram.com/p/x-J-THJRQp/?display/

(I feel so stupid when I can't do stuff&things in general but when I can't do them with I feel a complete idiot...) 

Ok. So...

-Mac is dead... For real this time. I knew it could happen but I'm sad. I feel like in the scene of walking dead when Rick says "we are all infected". Super shock but with resignation.

-Super cold wind days in London. My left knee is killing me. I always risk to fly away!

-Work is ok but I need to find another one... The thought to put myself to this research again kills me. I already feel frustrated.

-I feel alone. Morrissey was right.

-Insomnia

-Japanese people that give tips.

-I'm so tired to eat rice & eggs.

-Black clouds by Morrissey

-I wrote an email... A very important email... I'm so nervous!!

-I hate banks! I'm so tired of this shit!

-I should stop to ask to myself WHY I dream bacon...

-Norman Reedus

-Waking Dead #136 2,20£+super fatty caramel/chocolate cake (thank you caffè nero ❤️)

-Sometimes something sweet & unexpected can happen...

-Rain

-Skype's conversations

-Walking Dead's hoodie+AWESOME hoodie+new shoes+skittles=❤️

-I will never pay something early. Never again!!

-Paul Banks

-Filth & Stretch

-I'm so excited to see the first prints. It must be it... It MUST be!

The second where Everything began to move

--Yesterday I really want to write something because actually something BIG happened in these days but all the tiredness that I accumulated in past 10 days came all together on my weak body & I fell. I bought a new phone. My really first phone that I can say it is really mine! I always had the other's garbage. An Iphone. I thought so much before buy it. Now it is my phone. We are still knowning each other. Sometimes it scares me because I still don't know how it fuctions or its sounds. Sometimes I don't get it. Money that goes out & money that comes in. Now is the time to save. Even if there is a little voice in my head that continues to yell "'sti cazzi! Go & buy a pair of Red Wing!!". This time I'll follow the brain. Finally I went to the art gallery in Brick Lane & I did it right. My work values something. I felt so proud. I felt supported. Finally. Finally the things will take the right way. My work will be repayed. The Odissey that Norman Reedus brings will kill me but I just have to say to him Thank You. Someone says the credit id all mine but I know it is thanks to The Muse if I did what I did. Now the things are becoming serious. When I went outside I smiled. A part of me was alerted... nothing is semple & good as it seems. I know. I'm not a fool. I'll be careful. A real studio! Wow! I put my hopes in that machine! Walking Dead #136 Wed 14th January. Welcome to the Byron Burger Club! I FINALLY did the grocery shopping! Yeah! I spend a lot of money! Actually they aren't a lot of money but more that usual. See you nxt month Tesco! Now it is the moment to do the things right. I've got Hope in my right hand & my Heart in the left hand & in my Heart I've got Him & my Passion. Booyah!

Happy Birthday Badass!

--10 of lines,dead pens,5+4 Reedus, japanese food (eaten & served),not enough sleep,unconfortabe positions,no table,Walking Dead season 1-3,tiredness,worries,Guinness,NYE,not enough food,cold,lost   occasions,runs,not enough company,Interpol & Paul Banks,sleep dressed,loud music in my ears,Doctor Who Proms 2010-I am The Doctor.mp3,Special Converse,not enough money,walks in the night,leather gloves around my fists in my pocket,((impossible desires)),anxiety,counts,salami & prosciutto,sales,black cats,veg bacon,sad Christmas,Doctor Who Christmas Special,sunny days but super windy,caffè nero's skype sessions,new meeting ((no hopes about it)),sad frozen pizzas,peanut butter,up & down,Moz.Now the reality is back.No more distraction.No more life.Just survive.Thank you Norman for the distraction & the ((immaginary)) support.


This artwork was an odissey. I worked 10 nights in a very unconfortable position using staedler's lovely pens in my little room in London on it in company of Walking Dead,black cats & foxes drived by rush & by passion but I did it because for me was important. Because today is @bigbaldhead ' birthday & I would to celebrate it.I would to celebrate him & what he inspires me.I don't know if he will ever see it but this is my gift for him.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/emptiness_replace_my_soul/16031319957/

(this is what I wrote on Flickr but it's not what I really want to say... unfortunately the words just disappeared in the days like ink on a wet paper. I always lost my words...)

Good times for a change ((Day 02))

--My body is beginning to make some confusion between day & night.My body is hungry in crazy hours.This life style is messing me up but I have to resist.I slept so much!Actually not very much but it's fine.Maybe I'm turning in a bear.Yesterday night I drew (not enough) but the pens died all together!EMERGENCY!I made a plan for today even if the original plan was stay at home & draw all the time listen music.Probably my January 1st will be like this.I hope because I'm super late!I don't want to wake up!But I have.Damn!Finally I can use my new/old all star by M. that took them from china like 2 years ago!I love them ♥ Another day another bank.It seems it will be the right one.I hope it because I'm very sick of this shit!Fuck NYE!Another day another travel to Totteham Court Road.It was better than yesterday.Thank god.I forgot my gloves!I've got a plan for them.I feel like I'm flying with this shoes!They are so comfortable & light!Love love!Soho.Cass Art.A Reedus in my bag.A super cool sale on staedtler's set.I have to buy another set ASAP.It's too cool!There's no difference between the old pens & the new pens.Thank Moz!I'm so hungry!I'm looking for a new phone but automatically I check just Iphones.I'm guided again by DESIRE.Maybe it will be the right time.It's weird how the music I listen is so connected to what it happens to me.When I go to the bank Tricky begins to sing Hell is right behind the corner & when I think to change Morrissey sings Good times for a change.Weird.I ate a pack of chips by Tiger on the bus.I feel better.My phones is trying to make me hate it more than I already I do.I forgot to put the money on oyster card.Damn!I have to do it before work.I will be late for sure!Quick skype call with family.Technology hate us!I hate my phone!Super hot shower & red underwear (just in case).I feel better.Dinner with penne with super good mushrooms (SHITAKE),fake bacon (my landlord thought it was meat.He was worried & disgusted in the same time) & camembert.Super good.I want more!He is waiting.I'm coming.I feel so guilty.I'm sorry.The new pens are AWESOME!I hate I can't use the pencil.Tomorrow?Who knows!SURPRISE!

And I said 'sti cazzi! ((Day 01))

-Wake up in your tracks because you think you're late is BAD
-Run behind the buses with the wrong shoes is BAD
-Dress & make up in 5 minutes & have a biscuit as a breakfast is BAD
-Drink a double espresso is AWESOME
-I guess I'm dying... I'm a Walking Dead
-I'm feeling stupid for the 1000° times
-I eat the most good rice with tofu & vegetables on the Galaxy
-I'm very very tired of banks! (not Paul ♥)
-Too many people! where is my crossbow?
-Too many people that walk slooowly!! where is my crossbow??
-I thought Hell was Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park but I was wrong. HELL is at Primark during sales!
-GLOVES! 5£ instead 8£! JEGGINGS! 7£ instead 10£! I'M A PORACTHA!
-Too many things... no money... so depressing...
-HMV. I shouldn't enter... too many things. And after I SAW IT! IN SALE! WHAT I COULD DO? I should follow te heart or the brain? I need an advice! I wait, I wait to call M. with a tremendous doubt that is eating my brain: I should or not? Will I regret it? I'm Hermetic. Now she is accomplice! I return to home with a smile on my face. Poorest but happier.
-A very slow bus...
-A long chat on skype with parents an hour late. So many things to do. The plan to draw all day tomorrow is fucked... time is running out. Damn!
-Late dinner with veg meatballs+camembert sandwich (YUM!) & "fried" chips.
-So happy to see M. after 10 days!
-After JUST 2 years I've got my amazing black all star! YEAH! I think to Red Wing *inner tears*
-EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! Almost all my pens are dying! Tomorrow I have to go to Cass Art! (+bank+find a new & in sale phone)
-I'm beginning to feel the pression of the deadline
-Damn! It's so late! Goodnight Tom Waits!

Day 00

--After so much time I returned to draw.I really needed it.In my mind I felt this desire that pushed me but I couldn't do it.It wasn't the right time.Now I can have some moments to stop to think about all the bad things is happening.Work,banks,money,solitude.All is turned off when I take my 0,01.There is only me,him & the music.It is like return to my old room or meet an old friend.The best part of me.I can relax.Breathe.It doesn't matter how many mistakes I made at work,how much I felt disappointed when I didn't find what I was looking for or how much my hands are cold.Now in my litle white room I can drink my tea,listen to Charles Mingus & stop to think.There are only me & you that look at me... so close but in the same time so far.My head has some difficults now because it passed like 4 months by the last time.The things are hidden in a corner of my mind scared by the new reality but they will come out because here we act between friends.This is a safe place.Welcome!Tomorrow will be better.And more the day will pass & more it will be easy.Because this is me.Because I need it.Under your supervision I feel scared but in the same time protected.Soulmate.I wonder how could be if you were physically here.I can only imagine... It's almost time to go to sleep.Mingus is playing the last notes of Compositional Theme Story: Medleys, Anthems and Folklore & I'm feeling tired again.Tomorrow the reality will return more ferocious than today but I'll know you will be at home waiting for me for our time together.Just You & me.Goodnight.

"Should I?"

--Yesterday was the day of the "Should I?".There was so many things I would to do but that I didn't.Probably because I'm a coward.God hates cowards.I spend the night thinking about what I should do.The different scenarios... the different reactions.Maybe I could gain something good by these unrational actions or probably I could ruin EVERYTHING.I will never know.In the same time my racional mind put myself to research of a new photo for a new artwork.Even my racional mind understands that I NEED an escape from all this shit.The job,the shitty weather,the loneliness,the bank account problems & the fucking money.It is always hard to find something that makes me jump.Even if is Him.I made my choice.I miss the window.The animal inside of me wants to sleep for the winter but I can't.I eat 2 biscuits for breakfast.I remembered to throw away the mouldy tea.If I think to the horrible taste it had I could barf!I need 2 A3 for 2 photos in black & white.I go out the store with 3+4 wrong size photos of both the photos,2 in right size & 1 blank A3 paper that I don't know if I can use.I laughed.So,it's true that Reedus makes people stupid!I'm so hungry so I go to buy a bagel with salmon & cheese.I talk to Otto (yes,like the number) about italian old movie until my bagel is hot.I really needed it!The mission of "FIND A NORMAL A3 BLANK PAPER" is failed.I'm angry.But I bought a super expensive drying rack!I'm finally ready for the first laundry in the new home!It's so cold.I guess I have to buy a pair of gloves.I go to Tesco & I buy a lot of stuff & things.Eggs,camembert,mushrooms,candies,peanut butter,biscuits,apple juice,frozen chips,pasta & veg stuffs.I fail the mission of the 10£.Nobody obviously helps.So cold!!After laundry my room seems smaller but more scented.A new entry on my empty wall.Welcome!I LOVEIT!Technology problems.Fuck!I'm angry again.I'm frustratd!Nothing works as it should!The Veg Bacon is not the same!IS NOT THE FUCKING SAME!I watch Enemy with Jake Gyllehaal & at the end of the movie I felt like a super idiot.Tomorrow I MUST begin to draw.I'm already late!Tomorrow work...