I can't breathe

This morning I just want to die.I can't breathe & I know that when I'll open my eyes I'll be projected in the reality again with all the anxiety that are quickly eating my hopes in the future.I feel so tired of everything.I want to cry.It is a thing that I'm doing too often in these days.Even now I feel like I can fall apart in a second if I don't control my thoughts.It's not good.I wake up.Slowly.Forceless.Breathless.I'm late.No very special clothes.I regret I left a lot of stuff in Italy.Stuff that I needed here.Stupid me.Red lips.Almost finished.Damn.Wrong way & wrong bus (thank you old bitch!).There is the sun.I'm blind.Flat 1 is in Hackney.It is beautiful & cheap BUT I have to say NEXT.Too creepy situation.It was TOO PERFECT.I run away from Flat 1 & a bad news arrives:Flat 2 was taken.Damn it!I swallow Oreos.I didn't have breakfast this morning because I was late.I'm back to home.Thank you.A hot tea for me.I needed it!Pain everywhere but, at least,  the "danger" is gone.I will never do it again with anyone.Super cold windy day again.I need gloves!I move my ass early to meet Federica.1 hour for Totteham Court.5pp.The wrong  Primark!It's raining!REALLY?I'm so sick to talk about money-looking for a job-looking for a room.Where is my Double Daker for Hell?Pickled veg & egg Noodles again.They will be my dinner too.A super fatty Praline Latte by Caffè Nero looking for wi-fi & a socket.How you can drink caffè americano??A Red Bean Bun for my exploding stomach.I'm guilty.I'm returning "home".I feel like a stranger now.Everywhere.It's raining again.I'm raining inside myself.M. is going out for Staff Party.Alone again.I eat the lunch left-over noodles for dinner.They are still good.Dessert.Today I ate so much!I'm disgusted.I watch Sons of Anarchy 7x12.A super shocking episode.I cried & my jaw dropped several times.Next week it will End.It will be a shock.For a moment I feel hopeless.I think about how much I felt good here in London & how much I'm desperate & alone.What's changed? Only the location.For a moment I thought to give up... for the million time.


Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my lifevLet me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time.
Songwriters: MARR, JOHNNY / MORRISSEY, STEVEN PATRICK