The dark waters of Routine

--The routine is becoming real.It is surronding me like a straightjacket.I feel like I'm suffocating.I'm choking.The reality is chocking my soul.I'm becoming a robot but my soul resists & kicks me when i become too cold.When I begin to forget how to live.I need to remain myself.I don't want to be bad,angry & unpleasant.I want to be good.I want to be me.I don't want to change.I know we're talking to survive & there is't any other choice to do it but be an adult is hard.I need to have a way to vomit out what I feel.I need it or I'll explode.I already sacrifice a window & a big part of my free time for being adult.I need to make a new artwork.I PHYSICALLY need it.Or I'll die.6th january is coming so...he will come to save me (again).I'm creating a list.To not forget.The things that make me feel good & that make me smile feeling pure joy when I think to them.Actually they are not very much but the importance is not the number but the existence of them.Black mirror.02:51am.