There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

Too much ups not too much up & too much deep downs.When I smile there is always something that brings me to hard & cold reality.When I go wrong there is always something that beats me harder than I find myself in the Hell trembling & trying to not do stupid things without anyone can help me.I can enjoy the good taste of little things for little seconds than the bad taste of blood & shit comes in a millisecond after.& only one bad thing arrives & hit but 1000 all together.I'm scared.I feel like I'm choking in the mud.No easy things for me.Never.I try to not enjoy too much anything even if I should because when you receive something good you should have the possibility to enjoy it.Especially if you worked hard to reach it.Yesterday I talked to my parents.It makes me feel strange but good to have them on my back.My father was sad that probably I'll not return to home on Xmas.I'm sad too.I passed the night try to find a way to go anyway.Another insomnia night.Today I felt hope again.After 3 days where I get what I deserve,where I just realized that I continue to make the same shitty mistakes,where I laughed,where I lost Moz's show for the billion time,where I understood that THAT thing is not for me...too phisical...to animal-like...too repetitive & boring...I will never do it again,where I ran in the night with my blood on my hands super shocked & in paranoia,where I had a photo challenge in one of the best venue ever,bad moments,super bad news... a little light turned up.There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.I'll do my best, I MUST HAVE THIS JOB!I MUST!The things could finally begin to work... I could feel better.Foe a while.Super cold today.I guess I have cold now.I still walk.Trembling.Looking for some job vacancies.Covent Garden.I have to return on Wed.Uff.I'm worried.I can't stop to think about my worries.I ate super insidious spicy noodles.Take away.Xmas is coming.Smile & take a CV!Carnaby Street.I need to take the bus.It is so cold.They may have my number of Red Wing's shoes.THE ETERNAL SHOES!They cost very much but theyare ETERNAL!Dream dream dream.It will be a hard week.I need to be prepared.60£.I return at home a.k.a a place that now begins to be hostile.I feel cold.Etciù.Walking dead midseason finale was shocking.At the beginning slowly but after there was in the air the big SHOCK and than it arrived.At the begin my jaw falled after I was a little happy.Finally I can say goodbye to her useless & pathetic caracther!Yeah!But...Poor Daryl.So,now we have to wait until February?FEBRUARY?FUCK!Sorethroat.Hungry.It's so cold.Now back to the reality.Sigh.Breathe slowly & don't give up.