Walkin' on Down the Road

Even if the blanket was so hot & I slept very few hours in the morning,today I did something.Plus I hoped & ate almost in good way.Almost healthy.I walked so much that I hope tomorrow my legs/the fact I could do better  will not kill myself.I Found new places.I Almost lost myself.I saw a lot of city-people walk in line to return at the office.Took some photos.I was happy it wasn't very cold.1,70£ for 12 photocpies.Good.& he prints t-shirts too.See ya soon!50£ & anxiety.Walk walk walk to Liverpool station.Milions of people.Milions of food shops.Zero vacancies.HMV.I would to work there!Uh,DONKIN' DONUTS!For fuck sake,why everything is so fucking expensive?Fuck!Ice rink.I think to my father.He probably could like it.Finally Spitalfield market!The primary object!Cvs as flowers on the way.Smiles & Self-confidence.OH MY GOD HE WAS BRENT BY MASTODO!HOLY SHIT!He looked at me & I looked at him but I lostthe precious moment!F-U-C-K!I would to work to Rough Trade!!I write down all the shops where I have to send Cvs.I feel again like Walking Dead when they talk just only about the food.I talk about the food & the research of a job.A very strange interview...but...finger crossed.So the last cv & the last smile.I feel fine.A little reward for me that I'm falling down.Grosery shopping at Tesco making counts & buying only the necessary.Bread,peanut butter,salmon,mushrooms,soy meatballs (let me eat something tasty please!!),hummus & mint candies.Less than 10£!8,11£!YEAH!Next time I have to buy more fruit.I really need to eat better or I'll fall apart.Walk walk walk.Today is tha Thanksgiving?Urrah!Really if you don't live in USA the only thing you can think is WHO CARES!Tomorrow is Black Friday but I'm so poor that I can't effort any extra....uff!I wait to have dinner reading newspaper & post on instagram.I feel so cold.Pain everywhere.Around 9pm I prepare dinner.Something tasty:soy meatballs with tomatoes+mushrooms & ceddar.Super good but I still feel empty.Not good at all.I watch Frank & I fell in love for this movie & for Michael Fassbender's voice.I don't know what to do tomorrow night.Mumble mumble.Saturday is coming & I feel the anxiety...

PS:THIS!

Pain of the Day

This morning I understood how much I put myself to the limits of my body yesterday.Super pain on my legs.A fire in my throat.Good!Fuck me.I lost another day.Why I can't understand when I have to stop?For me it's hard to understand this thing but the opposite too.What's my problem?No answers by nobody.Damn.I still try.I feel bad because I've got a lot to do.Stupid me.Outside is so humid.The laundry is still wet.Pain in th middle of the shoulders.I ate a sandwich with ceddar+hummus & tomatoes. I don't know how.My stomach hates me.A sort of punishment?No tea for me today.Damn,it's already so late?Stupid me.Uh,a good news.I'll be busy on Sat 29th at Barbican Centre.I'm happy but I can't stop to think that Iif it was payed it coud be better.I'm so tired to give my work for free.Better than nothing but...Watching Southpark for cheer me up.M. is back.We've dinner together.Yeah!For me rice mushrooms+cheese+tomatoes & dessert yogurt+peanut butter+cereal.She just white rice and carrots.While I waited the dinner was ready I felt cold.I guess the real cold is coming.Winter is coming.Finally I watch Benedict Cumberbatch's ALS ice bucket challenge.AHAHAHA!Ok,Walking Dead 5x07.Ok than the next week is the mid-season finale but this episode?Really?Nothing happens!Dear lord!Uh,hello Rick Grimes a.k.a the main caracter!The only cool thing is the fight between Daryl & the cop.That was cool but EEEEEWWWW! too.But,hey,they changed Daryl's shoes?& I KNEW that the end of this episode could let me with my jaw dropping.Damned!If the season finale will not leave me with nose bleeding I'll freak out!The fact that after we have to wait until FEBRUARY kills me!Now I feel tired but I know that,when I'll turn out the light,I can't be able to sleep.As always.Damn... 

Never-ending search of...

I wake up early today.Well,I could wake up earlier but ayway.Shower.Super hot.I really needed it.Wash away all the bad thoughts.I feel better.I really don't want to go out... it's Sunday!The sky tries to stop me vomiting litres & litres of water & my legs try to stop me too killing me every step but I MUST TO GO!The wind is so strong.I could fly away.Underground.Mile End to Camden (Reminder:Camden & not Campden).Wrong stop.Why dumbass?WHY?So many people.Even the rain can't sotp the turists.It will be a mission impossible.Share CVs like tey are flowers.No stop rain.My umbrella is dying.Mint candies.Camden Market.So many people.So many languages.Swimming in water & cacophony.UH,I almost bought a The Smiths' t-shirt!Sigh sigh,why I'm so poor?Amy Winehouse that make me sad there alone under the rain.They love her more now than when she was alive.I would to hug her but I know she isn't here anymore.Still walking.I'm so hungry but I have to continue to walk.No music.Just rain.UH!Daryl & Rick!JOY!The sky is getting darker.The winter is coming.I really can't walk anymore.My legs are killing me.Underground & music.I'm so tired but I have to go ot Tesco.Some stuff.Cereal,yogurt,bread,sandwich,cheese & rice.I count every pence.Now my arms are hurting too but I can''t take the bus.I spend so much with the underground & Tesco.So,let's walk!A little rain continues to fall.Sherlock brings me at home.I'm dead.My legs are exploding.I really need to rest.Just a half of hours.I promise...even if I know that in this way will be hard to fall to sleep.Lone dinner with basmati rice (with no salt),ceddar & mushrooms.M. arrives & I give her some basmati rice.Laundry.A lot of things to wash!Finally I watch Hellion.It was weeks that I had to watch it!!Aaron Paul is so good.He can't do & say more that BIATCH!I really loved him.I believe he will have a great career.Josh Wiggins will be a great actor.Juliette Lewis is amazing.I would ot be like her.I don't want to think to tomorrow.I'm finish the ideas.The last thing I can do is pray.

Try to not fall in pieces (again)

there was 2 days of destruction.Internal distruction because the body is in perfect shape (i guess).A storm of hopes & bad thoughts in my rib cage against my heart.It was so hard open the eyes & leave the bed.My body... forceless.Hopeless.Guardians of the Galaxy is a funny movie.Now I want a racoon with Bradley Cooper's voice!The OST is awesome.I admit that what happen after the trial hurted me but I understood is not personal.Nothing in Work World is personal.The people are just things to use.You can give everything but they can split you away when the taste is gone.The end of Olive Kitteridge made me cry so much but I did it in silence.I should know.Today I made a little step forward to return mentally in shape.I feel better but I have a lot to do.First thing:don't give up.Even if I continue to run in circle or even if my parents contnue to remind me how much in shit I am or how much sad is my diet.I have to.I feel cold.I feel alone.I cried when I saw my little Omarcita.I miss her.The end of Blackpool was bittersweet.I love David Morrissey.Even if he was The Governor.Even if give up seems so simple.I think to it everytime I cook.I don't want to be on the edge of the gorge again.I have to use my dreams like a hot blanket that saves me when I'm desperate.The important thing is survive.Or try to not fall in pieces.The wind here is very strong in this season.I could fly away & I could be forgotten in a blink of an eye.I really need to draw.REALLY.Tomorrow I'll was away all this pain & I'll return to run.Tomorrow.Even if it is Sunday.Everyday is like Sunday.

Thanks for Nothing

That was me this afternoon.I was smiling returning to home listening to Rufus Wainwright.My left shoulder hurt but I'm walking happly & smiling.Today was a sunny day in London & I was happy because it was my first day of trial & I felt like I could have a possibility.I felt like FINALLY something really important & good happened to me here in London.A chance for a start here.A way by god or similar to tell me to not give up that yes,shit continues to happen but,sometimes,something good could arrive to me too or that sometimes my efforts are not useless.I smiled after a very tough day of work where I did my best.Finally I could do SOMETHING that could keep me occupied & that could give me a reason to believe & hope.I felt good and nothing could change my mood.But the weather changed like my unchanbagle mood.Just few word arrived like a punch in my face.Like a cold water after a hot & bubbled bath.Like pieces of glass in a chocolate muffin.It was like a moment before I was eating an incredible ice cream & turned the corner someone rubbed me.I felt down.Almost litterally.It was hard.Unexpected.I feel so speechless now.M. says it happens.Yes,it happens but everytimes it hurts because... I can't explain with words but it fucking hurts.It's like you always run but when you're almost at the goal someone makes oust you & you fall down & break a tooth.Everytime you fall you break a tooth.Now I feel a gap-toothed.& the only thing that I've got now is a disturbing smell of Thai food on me & my clothes.I always feel like I'm wasting my energies for doing something that it doesn't be my responsibility.What I'mreally doing?Maybe I'm just sinking.The sky is dark now as I feel.Dark.Luckily there are some things that distract me by my failures like Sons of Anarchy or Reedus & his being Tonto.But I can't stop to think about today & about how much,for a second,I hoped in something.I lost energies (again) & I lost something that I can't have back.What I should think about Tomorrow?What I have to do?I know I have to prepare myself to return to the starting line & return to run.Again. 

The sound of Hope

A thing that I'm learning is that I shouldn't put too much hopes in the future.Yes,I have to hope in something good or in something in general but not too much because when something goes wrong it hurts because I hoped that something could change.There is a proverb or something like more you hopre & more you go high than it is more painful the fall.I can't remember where I heard that thing but it is pretty real.Unfortunately because hope should bring only positive things.Now,after the hard work of yesterday where my hopes has to take me up,something moves but... how I should feel?I should feel happy?I should feel nervous?I should feel grateful?I don't know.I just know I have to try to be enough distant to not feel bad if I screw up everything.The contact with the things is always bad.In the past I hoped so much...I fought so much but.. for what?What I've got?Everytime I stop to think about it I feel bad.Sorry.

This morning was tough to leave the bed but I did.I don't know how but I did.I ate the same old soup with mushrooms & I returned to search.I didn't go out.I didn't feel the air.I hope lil' Daryl is fine.Search & Try & Eat.Search & Try & Hope for something better.Eat for not feel the empty & Survive.I'm still thinking of the TWD's episode I saw yesterday.I was pretty cool.One of the best.A part of my mind loves to travel when I'm sending CVs.Just to not feel the weight of what I'm doing.Tea in the TARDIS.Two bags.M. is back from work.Finally we make a dinner together.I want to talk...I want to celebrate.But we just eat & chat.Noodles with different kind of beans & cheese.For break the cicle of the same old mushrooms soup.Dessert.The sound of the rain outside.I hope that tomorrow will be a sunny day.2 broke girls.Almost like us.First part of Olive  Kitteridge.It made me cry.The good things die fast.Tears.Sometimes I take it too personal.I finish my tea.I'm worried.

I Walked

Today I walked so much.In these days I walked so much.My father said that finally I move my fta ass.Now my legs are better.Even if they hurt the only thing that I can do is continue to walk because if I stop it will be the end.A way to not fall apart.I always wake up so late.Why I'm so lazy?Shower hoping that today will not rain.Today no cat hat.I feel naked.20 CVs.Now I'm ready.I walk with my hopes like a halo in my pretty dress to distribute my experiences hoping someone will call me back.Always with a fake smile on my face.With my Moleskine in my cold hands.The sun!Just for few minutes!Maybe it was an illusion.I'm at the middle of my day.I really need to eat something or I'll die.Itsu for the first time.I almost lost the 8 because I was talking about Reedus' shoes!Damned Reedus!Stupid Red Wing!Eating teriyaki salmon on 8 like I didn't eat for months while I'm going to Oxford Street.All this Christmas makes me sad.Where I will be at Christmas?How I'll feel?With who I will be?It rains a little.Fuck!The last stop at Office & Tiger.I'm so tired.I listen music & I think about tomorrow.Oh another lone dinner.Super creamy mushrooms soup.So,Walking Super Hype Dead 5x06 eating tortilla cheese chips with cheese & asomething sauce.Again this super dark scene?WHY?Again this no camera movement with the action that enters by the side after few seconds?But I admit that in this episodes there are some framing that I really loved.How is possible that I'm scared like the first time I saw that scene?I don't know if I understand less Carol or Daryl.It's a very hard fight but I love the dialogs & the silences between them.REEDUS STOP TO WHEEZE!So,TRYING.But WAIT they are running in circles!!Daryl is the king of the Unintentional Funny.Sorry Reedus.That fucking shithead!Carol doubts about Daryl's height & he takes it like a personal offense.How is possible that fter a fall like that Daryl is perfect & Carol is destroyed for 2?One of the moment when Daryl killed me.*melted*OH MY GOD!I KNEW THAT!In this moment I really see myslef in Daryl.SUPER HYPE AGAIN FOR THE NEXT EPISODE!Outside is so cold.Moz is my night mate.My left shoulder hurts.Tomorrow I really need to stop a moment.


PS: in 9 days I posted 4 photos of Daryl/Reedus.It's not good. 

I'm running against the wind

I really really would to stay at home today.My legs still hurt.I always push myself to the limit.I just notice it when the consequencies arrive.Yesterday I felt asleep instantanely.I even didn't read my sweet Moz.I was completely dead.This morning I heard M. say something & go out but I felt asleep again.I woke up super late.No sign of dreams.Outside a very grey day.No forces at all.I just want to die but I remembered I have to pay phone bill so I wake up.Dead.Eat shit & go out.No make up.Who cares?Who look at me?Daryl the squirrel gives me a sweet heart attack.No time for a photo.Bus 8.The shop will close at 5pm.It's 3pm.Anxiety.I should wake up early.I know.And I think it's raining.Why the people walk so slowly when you're late?Why?I run in Oxford Street.I pay.See ya next month.I walk against rain.Here in London they take festivities VERY SERIOUSLY.Christmas lights everywhere.People everywhere.Lovers everywhere.I feel alone.I hate everybody under this stupid rain.Finally Selfridges!Taking pictures of job vacancies.Tomorrow or Tue I'm there with my CVs.Finally I know what HMV means.I really would to work here.The fact that I saw some Triumphs was a sort of sign because look there!DARYL!Oh my god!So bad that t is not so good t-shirt.Anyway...WWDD?Uh,& Walking Dead Box Season 1-4!Really?REALLY?*bad things*I find another bank that accepts my stupid Postepay but it is useless because all the bank takes 1,75€ everytime I withdraw.Fuck!I return to the road for home.Now is raining heavier.It's time to take the umbrella.No more candies.All the road are almost empty.There's only me,my music & some other stranger.I almost fly away in Poultry.Season ticket is SO EXPENSIVE!!!DAMN!I'm so tired & hungry.The shit I ate at lunch stopped to give me forces hours ago.I arrive in Liverpool Street & I'm wet.Stupid wrong shoes!Brick Lane & the Sad Chesee Bagel.I wait M. at the bus stop but it's getting cold & late so I go home with 8.Wait that guy on Triumph with Red Wing was... sorry,False allarm.Writing message to V. on Wazzap.It's clear that I will not buy the Walking Dead Box Season 1-4 & that Math is not my BFF.I almost lost my stop!Damned Reedus (it is always is fault).Light dinner with salad beans+edamame+humus on seeded bread with M.Super hype for TWD!I WHAT TO KNOW!Tomorrow will be TOUGH.It's raining again.I Guess I Should Go to Sleep by Jack White.

PS:the horrible Red Wing Reedus'shoes are just 230£ *holy shit*

Dancing with myself in the TARDIS

After the heavy day of yesterday my body needed some rest.Especially my legs.I walked a lot yesterday & I took a lot of cold.But I can't stay at home because yesterday was a shitty day so let's go out!I check google for some flea markets in the meantime I was eating yogurt+cereal+chocolate+peanut butter & I choose Portobello.I'm sad to leave zombie M. at home but she needs some rest.I prepare myself quickly after my beautiful good late breakfast.I hope it will not rain today.I take the underground for the first time.Maybe I mystify this first travel.It super expensive,super little & superhot but it is fast & comfortable.I have to find a way to make a season ticket because the transports are killing my finances.Nothing Hill.I actually can't remember where they made the movie but... who cares?Benedict Cumberbatch a.k.a V. boyfriend is stalking me!He is EVERYWHERE!!On the buses,on newspapers,in bookshops!WHERE IS REEDUS WHEN YOU NEED HIM?Some drops of rain.Maybe it's time to select Xmas' gifts.The most precipitous street of the UNIVERSE!I'm climbing a mountain or walking on a street?Portobello Market is soooo HUGE.A lot of Stuff & Things!I love it!I almost bought a film photo camera & a pair of Jeffrey Cambpell.My legs are killing me but I'm happy.A lot of people.A lot of languages around me.I hope I could come back...maybe with M. that she didn't visit it.Sun goes down but I have a mission:THE TARDIS!I saw on Google Maps it isn't so far by here.So... ALLONS-Y!My legs are killing me but I MUST!I walk & I lost myself.Thank you Google Maps.The mission to Washigton D.C. is NOTHING in comparison of MY MISSION!After 20 minutes that seemed 10000 I finally found THE TARDIS!Hidden & in sight.This amazing blue box.It is not exactly the real TARDIS but it's awesome anyway.If it was opened I could live inside it.it's bigger on the inside right?I'm pretty hungry.At Portobello I didn't find anything that interested me & Pret à Manger has only meat-frendly stuff so I take underground again & I go to Poppies (coherence).I at alone this huge plate of potatoes & cod.I almost explode but it is so good.I take a bus.The only IDEA to WALK kills me.I spend millions in transports today.Skype call with family.I'm actually happy to talk with them even if they give me a lot of anxiety... more than how much I have already.I KNOW I have to find a job,I KNOW I have to find a house.I FUCKING KNOW THAT!It doesn't help continue to repeat it.No Doctor Who tonight.Sadness.Moz & Paul Banks.

The Best Shitty Day (Again)

There will be a moment in my life where something will be easy?I will ever receive this kind of BIG present by God/every kind of divinity/legend out there?What I did in previous lifes to deserve such of hard times?I will get what I deserve (I hope I deserve something even if,listen to my father,I don't deserve anything)?There will be a moment where I will stop to have bad thoughts?In these last times I can't stop to ask to me these questions (plus Why I always walk alone?Why there's nobody when I need a hug or just for some moments where I just can stop to think & enjoy the moment?).This continue fight is exhausting me.I feel I'm losing parts of myself.I feel like I'm having a hurricane in my heart.My eyes are melting.Even if I'm in a new country the story continues to repeat herself like a stupid dog that continues to bite his own tail.A vicious cycle that is suffocate me.What I have to do?What I have to change?Maybe my dreams are too strong.Maybe a huge part in my soul can't complitely give up to hard reality.Or maybe I'm just a weak tupid girl.Today I walked alone again after a shitty day that didn't give me anything.Just pain on my body & my soul.I tried so hard to breathe & stop to feel so fucking bad even if I just do the best thing for me...the right thing.For several times I thought "Fuck,I give up...I give up London,I give up the fight,I give up Planet Earth...I just have to wait the next double-decker" but after I just want to destroy everything around me.I just wanted to put out all the angry that I felt.But I didn't do anything.I just continued to walk.I just walked with Rufus & Thom.My two saviours.Near home I felt a sort of relief even if the only thing I would do was cuddle/be cuddle.I guess that the rain could complete this hightest moment of the day.I feel cold on my body & a hole that grows in my soul.I'm hungry for everything.Tomorrow will be another day.Another fight with other pains...I wonder if my body & especially my soul will survive.

I'm Waiting & I'm Hoping (not too much)

A perfect wake up after an insomnia night (where I knew that Morrissey will play in London 29th November & I can't go +M. scaried me after I sneezed+too much hot leggings)?An interview call for a job.OMG!I answered the phone saying Pronto!Holy Shit!I thought it was M.!Damn!I feel my head empty!My throat hurts!I HATE telephone interviews!Anyway,tomorrow I'll have a real interview at 4:30pm.I'm nervous.And, for fuck sake, what it means "The dress code is smart business dress (no casual clothes or jeans)"?Oh God!!Anyway,they were so nice to send to me the directions for the interview place.No news by the photographer.Damn.I really cared about that job.It could be perfect to begin to work in London with something I really love but it was too much perfect & I'm not so lucky.Today Harrods shoud call too but how knows.I'll stay at home waiting (even if I should go to a couple of places like to go to print some CVs in Shoreditch for example).I eat soup with leek & potatoes.Too much leek.I add some seeded bread croutons that they transform themself in sponges & the soup is gone in a minute.For dessert yogurt,chocolate & oat+peckan.I good way to finish the crumbs & eat some calciumin the same time.I return to send CVs even if I'm very worried for tomorrow.In the meantime I search the perfect street for reach the place of the interview.I save it on Citymapper & I take some notes too.3,30pm arrive quickly between a CV & a distraction.At this point I think that there is a problem with my phone.I really don't know.I'll send to Harrods an email.I search the more quick way to find the TARDIS & I notice it is very near Victoria & Albert Museum!Wow!!& I discover that Sherlock Holmes Museum/Sherlock Holmes' Exibithion is SUPER EXPENSIVE!Not even they have Robert Downey Jr. that opens the doors & Benedict Cumberbatch like tour guide!Uff!Maybe I'll go to the Sherlock Holmes Pub & I'll take a Robert Downey Jnr’s Baked Camembert (v) (£9.95)) With toasted bloomer fingers & British chutney for sharing served by a twin of Benedict Cumberbatch.8pm arrive so I prepare myself for another lone dinner with salmon+beans salad & seeded bread croutons.For dessert yogurt,chocolate & oat+peckan+PEANUT BUTTER.Perfect!Sons of Anarchy 7x10.Shocking!I always loved this show.Every minute happens something & you with the caracters say WHAT AGAIN? every seconds.-3 to the final ride!I'm waiting that the bomb finally blows up.Lemon candies.TWD #134.Rain.     

Being Waterproof ((11:11 on 11/11/2014))

Why I continue to do the wrong thing again & again?Why?I never learn... like America.Waste time.Be a Lazy Ass Bitch.Eat not enough & too much.Be ossessed.Go to sleep early after I read some pages of Moz's Autobiography,turn off the light but the mind is still on,wait HOURS for Morpheus.Drink water & pray that you will not need to go to the bathroom or all the efforts to fall asleep will be useless!Die for a couple of hours.Obviously wake up super early with M. but remain to swim between the hot blanket until Morpheus comes back again.I MUST to stop this shit!I HATE waste timelike this! I HATE be so stupid!I wake up & lunch.Mushrooms (+magical crouton)+1 chocolate & caramel biscuit & a surplus of peanut butter (just one fat girl!!).I feel so Out.Forceless... Hopeless.Again.I need something beautiful in my life... something that cheer me up after so bad moments.& NO,I'm not talking about Reedus.He is not enough because he is Impossible.Sigh.I check emails.Something not clear.I'll ask.I register into another job site.I need to go out.Make up.I hate my skin.I would to change it like a snake.A new fur friend near home.DARYL the squirrel.I try to not scare him.I hope to see him again.A little rain but 'sticazzi.I walk listen to music.It is like I'm running... I don't know why.Maybe my body is scared by the rain.I arrive to Brick Lane, no Salmon+Cheese for me.I walk to Shoredicth.I find some interesting stuff.I guess it is a sign... It is still raining.A little less.New Street Art.The smell of the fresh paint.Photos.I return back to Roman Road.Now I look 1000 times in every direction before go through.Tesco.Yogurt,seeded bread,freeze drieds.These will be my meals for next days.A Leprechaun cashier asks How was my day.I just say Fine.Thank you.It's not raining anymore.Obviously I forgot something.I should make a fucking LIST!A good surprise.I have to ask for it ASAP even if it is on 28th november.I arrive to home.Damn,I hope I didn't screw up.I find a super old photo of Reedus made by Geoff Moore on Instagram.So,I looked to ALL his photos.I just love him.Thank you Reedus.The phone is almost dead.So,you're saying to me that if I feel alone & sad I can't go to Lady Dinah's Cat Emporium because I didn't book?WTF!M.is at home.Dinner with 1 seeded bread sandwich withhumus+4 pieces of sushi & another seeded bread sandwich with humus+lattuce+6 tomatoes.11:11.I love it.Tomorrow I don't really know what will happen.I HATE it because I can prepare myself in the perfect way possible BUT I will not have the complete control of the events.It is so frustrating...

PS: yesterday I said that I shoudln't drink tea before go to sleep because probably it is for it that I can't sleep... Guess what I'm doing now...

to Search & to Try

Wake up early.Fall to sleep again.Again the impossible dreams.Stupid me.I feel so down that I have to return to Search & to Try.Search a Job.Search a house.Try to save money.Try to not finish the food & mint tea.I'm tense.I'm not completely well.I know that.I make a shower.Finally.My new black towel.I feel so comfortable inside it.I call Rufus & Pj & I return to Search a Job after I ate a peanut butter sandwich.A month ago I really can't visualize me eating peanut butter.What a surprise!I Try to not put myself down.I Try to think positive.Liters of mint in my beautiful TARDIS!I continue to Send CVs but my mind is thinking about the dinner.Waht I can eat?When?Alone?I feel like Walking Dead when Rick said to Michonne that they talk only about food.Now I understand.I look to recipes with Salmon & Hummus' recipes but I don't have the half of teh ingredients.Damn!Uff.I'll figure out when dinner time will arrive.M. is back.She is so happy for her new job.I prepare an omelette with mushrooms,cheese with mould with seeded bread & hummus (that I LOVE!I will eat only hummus,noodles & peanut butter FOREVER!Ah, wait & chocolate,whiskEy,Guinness & sushi).It's all so good.I feel good when I cook good food.I would eat some of it again but there aren't eggs & there are only 2 slice of bread for tomorrow.So,peanut butter & caramel biscuits.I'm so FatGirl!After dinner FINALLY Walking Dead 5x05!A lot of things like the comic again.I returned to laugh!I missed it.The sense of all these dark scenes?REALLY?WHY?Uh,Sex!I knew that.Eugene is so annoying & disturbing!KILL HIM!So,I knew that in this episode the truth finnally comes out but Michael Cudlitz was wonderful.It was his episode.Even if I admit that when he cried... ehm... this thing happened to almost all actors of the serie so... I accept it.The next episode of Walking Dead will be crazy.& I don't know ANYTHING about it!Finally we'll know WTF did Daryl & what happened to Carol!YEAH!Chat chat with V. about the episode that makes her very boring (!!!) & Reedus' stuff & things.This is one of the things that I miss more.I pass too much time alone.I should do something about it.Laundry time.I want to scribble a new artwork... maybe after I'll feel better... 

2 days to put all the pieces together again

2 days ago I felt like a tree after a snow slice.I felt like my arms were broken,my eyes were melted away with my tears & my mind was broken.I felt into pieces.I tried to remain in one piece but the eyes are the windows of our sou on the world... they are always open.I wasn't ready.No reasons to open my eyes & do everything.Nothing were important anymore.Very bad thoughts hard to send away.I searched the forces & I found some stockpile.Now I'm ok.For now.I guess...

Yesterday I just went out for a walk.It was raining so hard.I let the rain fall on me.I just want to be sure that I still coul FEEL.After a day at bed.After bad thoughts & impossible dreams.A long chat with parents via Skype.The earphones are good.I'm happy I didn't spend 5£ in vain.Yesterday I cried so much for Doctor Who's season finale.One of the most sad thing that  I ever saw.Now Sat will be a day like the others.Sigh.Today I went out & I walked.I took photos.I felt better.Even if the sadness was still on my left shoulder.There was so beautiful sky.The perfect light is at 3pm.Pink lipstick.I walked so much.Always following the straight road.It's crazy how all the straight road that I take I always arrive in the same place:Brick Lane.Salmon+cheese.I return back to home.Something happened in Mile End.Maybe not knowing shocked me lesso than know.Tesco:mozzarella+homus+peanut butter+2 little boxes of sushi in sale+chewgum=6£.I love listen to Rufus Wainwright when I'm on my way to home.Another lone dinner with mozzarella sandwich & 4 sushi.Dessert with peanut butter sandwich.I cried watchig last episodes of Wilfred.Tomorrow it's a new day.C'mon...

Hope is the last one to die

This morning I felt the weight of the bags under my eyes & I felt like I could melt in a second.I fought against my depression & I woke up.The cold air on my skin.I'm freezing.I realized that I really was melting from the inside.Damn.I should know.I tried to do Stuff &Things.I felt so tired... I felt like ruins in a glacier.The IDEA to go out killed me but I had to.I have to prepare myself for tomorrow.Always the wrong way.Thanks to all the people that helped me to find the right street.Even when they invite me to their home.By the way,it's so clear I came from Italy?It is?Shit!Thank you Norman Grove,205 & Google Maps.Tomorrow I have to be there for the NIN.Now I know the right bus to take,the right street to take.No problems & no bad surprises please.I say HI! to M.her shift ends at 5pm.I'm dying so I go to eat something.Salmon+cheese.I returned back to BLITZ! & I found a good news.An interview for be a photographer assistent!Wow!But CALM DOWN BITCH!IT'S JUST AN INTERVIEW!Obviously wifi is dead.I return home alone by foot.Just 2 stops to tesco.I'm so out that I forgot the reason why I was there.31p for charity.No squirrels.I almost died under a car while I was listening to BBC Sherlock Holmes' Theme.I was wet.Why?Why here is so hot?Talking about SOA,TWD & Norman Reedus' pores with V.I don't know if she misses me.Probably not.M. is back so DINNER'S TIME!Super spicy noodles with mushrooms & 1 egg drinking juice.So,now I'm watching American Horror Story Freakshow (btw,super cool episode) & M. is watching Becoming Jane with her super crush James McAvoy.I'm still drinking a super mint tea by the TARDIS!!Tomorrow will be a super heavy day.I MUST be ready.I hope I will not screw up everything like I always do... 

Sorry not sorry

The excitment of good news that I had yesterday killed the sleep.I couldn't stop to think about how it will be the interview,how the questions could be,how I could answer,how I could be prepared &,most important thing,how I could not screw everything saying stupid things.Another night staring the ceiling.Another night I spend trying to make my mind exhausted.So,the sleep that I've lost this night I've recover it this morning.Heavy sleep.M. said to me something but I had a very out-of-focus memory of what she said.Outside is grey.I hope will not rain today.When it rains everything is more heavy & slow.Another 15 minutes.Another 10 minutes.Another 5.Please.Finally I woke up.I'm feelig like an old 100 bitch.I prepare myself.I've got a missin today:go to Harrods & prepare myself for Friday.Just a philadelphia sandwich.I'm a black cat with The Sixth Doctor's scarf (I should take this as a sign).While I reach the 8 stop I prepare myself to spend like an hour on it.I put my music in my ears.The bomberos are closed today.I try to understand if it is a good thing or not.Museum street.For once in my life I was on the right side of the road.Super Wind.HYDE PARK!After the mission I want to return back by foot & check some stuffs that I saw when I was on the bus.This scarf is quite good but sometime it makes me feel like I had neck brace.I almost lost the street but the bags of Harrods helped me to find the right way.Harrods is another universe.No words to explain how how shocked I was.La Rinascente but more bigger, more bright.I love it.It could be a cool thing to work there.Even just for Christmas.Thinking about Christmas a part of me is sad because I would to return to Italy but the other part of me thinks "ok no Xmas in IT but money for stay in UK".I give an apply in a shop of cool clothes for kids.I stop by to take some photos.I return back to Piccadilly & on the street I found a very cool music/movies/series shop called Fopp.I almost buy TWD Season 4 but the 28£ stopped me.Maybe for Christmas.This willpower fell when I went to Forbitten Planet & I found the mug in the photo.I just bought it without remorse.It was very long long long time that I wanted it!SUPER HAPPINESS!I try to return home walking but I was dying so I give up at Bak Station & I took the 8.Tesco.Just a couple of things for dinner.M.is out so I watch SOA.Very super shocking episode.Tears.Stupid fireworks!I made the good choice to stay at home.Tired as fuck.Ah,by the way,I'm drinking a super mint tea by the TARDIS!!

Good news in a shitty day

Ieri ho preso un sacco di freddo ma è quel freddo ad effetto ritardato perchè ieri stavo bene.When I took off the shoes my feet were super cold & wet but I didn' mind.Stamattina I was a fucking zombie.I felt like I had a hole between my shoulders & my head.Pain everywhere!A HUGE weight on me.Ci ho messo ore ad alzarmi.Ci si sono messe anche le mie fantasie impossibili.I hate so much them because I can ever have something like that!Scrivo un messaggio a M. che oggi è andata da sola al Victoria & Albert Museum & I was so sorry.Mood:-1000000.Controllo il telefono.Quasi mi viene un colpo.I'll have 2 telephone interviews with HARRODS!I try to not freak out.I almost cried.Finally a little light in these bad times!Ma non devo crederci troppo.They are just interviews.It's not sure they will take me.7/11 after NIN's appointment & 12/11.Sono le 4pm e mangio zuppa troppo acquosa di funghi con i crostini che sono comparsi dal nulla.It will be better the next time.Ha piovuto tutto il giorno.It's definitely November.I had to take out my super long&hot scarf.Credo che mi toccherà prendere della scarpe antipioggia nuove.Aftert this light snack I return to send some CV.Internet is like shit today.Bloody Internet!Bloody rain!& I can't go out!Anyway...breathe s-l-o-w-l-y & keep calm.I should try to stop to underrate myself.I should just send CV & shut the voice in my head that continue to me "I can't do this".Ascolto De-loused in the comatorium.Today's is Cedric's Bday.Good memories.Dark comes quickly & I lose my pacience.Guardo faticosamente 2 broke girls.Fatico.Sono le 7pm e M. doesn't show up so,I begin to cook.Salmon+tomatoes+mushrooms+philadelphia & brown pasta.Mi sento stanca e vorrei buttare tutto,uscire e prendere qualcosa di pronto.I'm fuking my Noodles' diet!M. returns while I begin to eat.Troppissimo pepe!Guardo dopo millenni Blackpool.Faticaccia.Amore per Tennant e Morrissey.Tra due puntate lo finisco.Scoprire che questo sabato ci sarà il season fnale dell'ottava stagione di Doctor Who mi lascia scioccata.E fuori piove.

Finally my first stop to Poppies

Ieri notte nel fastidio di non riuscire,dopo mille tentativi,a vedere in streaming Walking Dead mi sono ritrovata alle 2am a mangiare mezzo panino al burro d'arachidi.Mi sono rimessa a letto ma il fastidio permaneva.Ci ho messo quasi un'ora ad addormentarmi.Stamattina sono stata svegliata da una luce accecante che veniva da fuori.Le tende spalancate.Guardo con un occhio mezzo aperto l'ora.8am.WTF?!?Cerco di riaddormentarmi ma penso soltanto "Devo farmi la doccia".Alle 8,30am mi alzo e faccio la doccia velocissima.Il primo getto d'acqua:GHIACCIATO.Perdo ancora arancione dai capelli.Che cosa disturbante.M. è sveglia quindi facciamo breakfast.Sono rimaste solo le briciole del maple & peckan.La parte che odio.Mai più latte caldo.Mai più esperimenti con il burro d'arachidi.M. fa la diva mentre si prepara.Ascoltiamo musica volutamente brutta.Odio la parte destra dalla mia faccia.Usciamo verso Whitechapel.Abbiamo alcune cose da fare.Mavvà non piove mica.DILUVIO UNIVERSALE.Credo che sia colpa mia dato che mi sono vestita con dei COLORI.Non entrerò mai più da Flashback.Maldetti!La galleria di Redchurch è chiusa.Peccato che M. si sia persa la mostra di Rob Gruen.Ci facciamo tutta Brick Lane verso Whitechapel.Ho sbagliato del tutto a vestirmi.Le scarpette di Primark non vanno bene per la pioggia.Almeno ho l'ombrello bellissimo di Tiger ♥ GUARDA CASO anche la galleria in Whitechapel è chiusa.Ma avremmo potuto immaginarlo dato che è Monday.M. propone Poppies che è un po' lontano da dove siamo noi e,anche se cerca di propormi altro mentre andiamo,io sono già lì.Il mio primo fish&chips.Buonissimo.11,40£ spesi bene.Rimpiango di non aver preso la versione maxi.Ci prendiamo anche il dolce.Pudding Cartmel Sticky Toffee Pudding+icecream che divoriamo come se non avessimo mangiato da mesi.Prima però foto.1£ di mancia e caramelle tipo fruittella.Passiamo da BLITZ!Hanno mille cose belle ma devo lasciarle tutte lì.M. deve parlare con Gennarì.Tutto a posto.Passiamo per Office e,dopo mille prove,M. prende della scarpe nuove.Copia delle Red Wings brutte di Reedustein.Salmo+cheese da Beigel Bake.Ormai è una droga.Torniamo a casa dopo aver preso 3 cose in croce da Tesco+discussione al reparto frigo se prendere il salmon oppure no e la chiamata "Stefiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!dove sei??????".Cena con salmon+cheese.Guardo la puntata più noiosa mai vista di Walking Dead.Già me ne fregava molto di cosa era successo a Beth poi figurati quanto la amo dopo una puntata come questa dove,anche se protagonista,riesce lo stesso ad essere inutile?La fine mi ha lasciato scioccata.Tutto ciò c'insegna a non andare MAI con Daryl da nessuna parte.Mangio biscotti.Freddo. 

I'm the last that arrives to the party

Oggi avrei voluto andare a fare un po' di foto a Brick Lane MA già dal mattino si è messo a piovere.In più ci si è messa la voglia di vivere ai minimi storici.Sono rimasta a letto per un po'.Actually un BEL po'.Nessuna mail importante.Iniziamo proprio con il piede giusto.A questo punto vorrei seppellirmi sotto la coperta e non alzarmi mai più.Mi alzo e faccio breakfast/brunch con latte di soia e cereali sani mentre i coinquilini francesi cuociono bacon.Metto a caricare il telefono per la miliardesima volta da quando sono qui e mi preparo.Vorrei altri vestiti.Vestiti che mi stanno bene.Forse anche colorati.Vestiti che mi fanno sentire un'altra.Vestiti non collegati alla vecchia vita.Ma,per ora,non si può.I'm the black cat.Sono le 4pm.Vado a piedi.Incontro uno scoiattolo in Norman Grove.A chiunque abbia creato il design dello sportello della HSBC auguro una diarrea eterna.Ed il fatto che,forse,il tipo dietro di me mi abbia guardato il culo tutto il tempo rende tutto ancora peggio.Perchè dico sempre la verità?Vaffanculo a me.Salmon+cheese.Se ne stanno andando via tutti.Mi faccio un giro.Vicino al BLITZ! c'è in garage che durante la settimana è vuoto ma oggi è pieno di cibo e cose fighe.Resisto dal prendere un vegetable bun gigante a 4£.Una triumph davanti al ristorante indiano.Mi strappa un sorriso.Comincia a piovere.M. è super crazy.Stasera torna a casa alle 7pm ma va ad un concerto.Fine.Torno a casa.One salmon+cheese and a tuna please.Mai più tuna.É quello in scatola come supponevo.Mi seccala gola.Decido di passare da Tesco per i biscotti ma è CHIUSO.Torno a casa sconsolata.Accarezzo un cane.Piango guardando film con Daniel Radcliffe mangiando salmon+cheese.É troppo tardi per Hellion.Aspetto Walkig Dead.Ce la farò?

Hello hello my dear fans! I'm in London! I'm ok. I'm trying to organize myself for return to scribble & maybe make some commissions &/or collaborations. In the meantime I continue to take photos to live shows. This is the first show I saw here in London. My Brightest Diamond with Troves at Village Underground! A show made by PURE EMOTIONS!
http://www.ocanerarock.com/gallery/my-brightest-diamond/

All Saints' Day

Credo che stamattina,dopo la serata di ieri,io abbia provato,dopo tantissimo tempo,l'ebbrezza dell'hungover.Era da tantissimo che non mi succedeva.Da una parte forse era meglio ma pensando a quanto mi sono divertita n'è valsala pena.Tutto è iniziato con un tentativo sei fallito di make up,l'8 in ritardo,una corsa,Guinness che tanto costa solo 49centz in più,chiaccherata random con M. e Manon di cose a me sconosciute tipo il Blitz! o le madri amorevoli.In giro c'è un sacco di gente.Fa anche un sacco caldo.Odio la mia giacca!Prima volta in un pub inglese.M. is drunk e mangia pane e burro.Buona la birra.Io e Manon prendiamo in giro M. mentre telefona.Andiamo da Giacomo ed i suoi amici.Polsi che fanno brutti rumori.Passare la serata in fila is not cool.Niggas e Brooke Candies che si menano.Birre che compaiono dal nulla.Grazie.Ci siamo divertiti,abbiamo ballato,abbiamo cantato in strada.Una parte del mio cervello vuole riprendere il controllo.Il pensiero d'ingurgitare cibo alle 3pm mi fa rivoltare lo stomaco quindi torno a casa.Un momento in cui barcollo pericolsamente.Mi sento come in un video musicale alle Richard Ashcroft.Sveglio la povera M. che mi apre la porta sbiascicando ed io le rispondo sbiascicando.Muoio a letto.Mi riprendo vagamente verso le 11am.Mal di testa e nausea.Per qualche secolo rimango sdraiata sperando che la testa smetta di farmi male ma mi tocca alzarmi.Mangio del noodles orrendi by Tesco "chicken" e "mushrooms".Vorrei buttare via tutto ma poi penso che li ho pagati,che odio buttare il cibo ed ai biscotti con il caramello.Li bevo cercando di non percepirne il sapore.Dopo aver buttato un sacco di tempo a guardare cagate mi rimetto a mandare curriculumz ascoltando canzoni a caso Lady Gaga.Per Harrods mi ritrovo a compilare un test su ipotetiche situazioni in cui potrei trovarmi.Sono fusa.Guardo The Boondock Saints 2:All Saints Day bevendo Super Mint Tea che sa davvero di MINT.Me lo ricordavo peggio.Rido un sacco anche quando non dovrei.Una delle scene migliori EVER!Skypeata veloce con Vader ma poi chiudo perchè è iniziato Doctor Who.Una delle puntate più belle.Mi ha fatto piangere.Mentre aspetto M. che torni cucino.Lei arriva proprio nel momento in cui sto riempiendo il panino.Salmon+Cheese guardando Boondock Saints e latte e cereali super sani w/ M.Domani mattina o pomeriggio vado a fotografare a Brick Lane.